Ghosting is when you go poof and literally disappear out of someone’s life without a word or explanation.
Being ghosted sucks, but if you’re dating in this day and age, it’s unlikely you’ll ever avoid being ghosted entirely (or even ghost a few people yourself.). It’s just part of life! And while it can be confusing to have someone who seemed so into you suddenly just...go quiet, it’s just proof it wasn’t meant to be.
Rejection and breakups are hard enough, but being ghosted can be traumatic. It can leave you with unanswered questions that make it hard to move on. Although ghosting also occurs in friendships, it’s usually associated with dating. More devastating, but less common, is when a spouse disappears after years of marriage. It’s like a sudden death of the person and the marriage. But even the unexplained, unexpected end to a brief, romantic relationship can feel like betrayal and shatter your trust in yourself, in love, and in other people.
It’s a shock to the heart whenever you care about someone who suddenly cuts you off without any explanation. If you insist on one and get a response like, “I just don’t feel it anymore,” it isn’t satisfying. You still want to know “Why?” We are information-seeking animals. Our brain is wired to wonder and search for solutions. Once we pose a question, it looks for answers. This is compounded by the fact that we’re also wired to attach and to experience rejection as painful. We try to reconnect — why babies cry fiercely when they need their mother. Rejection can cause obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior, like stalking your ex’s social media, which fuels more pain and more questions.
Ghosting a Romance
In a romantic relationship, breakups are always harder during the early stage, when ghosting usually occurs. You don’t know your partner that well and are still in a blissful haze of idealization. Your hopes for the future may be abruptly and inexplicably dashed. Normally, after a relationship progresses from the romantic “ideal” stage into the “ordeal” phase, couples struggle with ambivalence and conflicts. If that ends the relationship, at least you have an understanding of why it didn’t work and perhaps agree.
If couples can communicate and accommodate each others’ needs and personalities, they get to the “real deal” — a real relationship based on mutual understanding and acceptance. This takes two people compatible and committed to making the relationship work. They must also have enough self-esteem and autonomy to give without feeling unappreciated or robbed and receive without feeling unworthy or smothered.
Date Ghosting
In dating, often there is less accountability, depending upon various factors: The way you met (a chat room or hook-up app), the individual’s maturity and values, length of the relationship, and frequency of face-to-face contact. Technology promotes less emotional involvement. If instead you met through mutual friends, there’s more incentive to be on good behavior or other friends will hear about it.
Ghosting might start with an unanswered text or call, or long silences between replies, until there are none.
Get Support When You Need It
Learning how to get over someone you love, whether you were ghosted or if it was a standard breakup, definitely takes a serious emotional toll on you.You can’t, and shouldn’t, attempt to heal from the pain of lost love on your own.
One of the best ways to learn how to get your mind off a girl or a guy who ghosted you is to spend more time hanging out with the people who care about you and your well-being. You can certainly vent/ask for opinions and advice from your friends, but if possible, don’t make your ex the main topic of conversation.
Instead, focus on what your friends are up to, how things are going in your professional life, and talk about your plans for the future outside of your love life. We love the idea of asking your friends to take a cooking or painting class with you, going bowling, or even taking out your frustration at the paintball range.
Having a physical activity to perform won’t just take your mind off your breakup, it will also give you a nice boost of endorphins.
The process of learning how to get over someone who ghosted you is just that—a process.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and many people need the help of a professional to truly move on with their lives after a breakup of any kind.
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