The unpredictability of an affair is alluring; it acts as a vacation from our day-to-day commitments. Some people don’t actually seek a primary, traditional relationship, and prefer the role of a side piece over a full-time partner. Conversely, those individuals with low self-esteem may choose to become a side piece because, from their perspective, at least someone wants you for something. In other cases, there are not okay with being the side chick or the side man, but the lack of confidence pushes them into denial, and to fool themselves into believing things are fine, and no one will get hurt
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In some cases, they don’t want to be a full-time partner; they want the excitement without the baggage. Side chicks want to make the most of their time with the man, without doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, or going through the daily grind with him. Meanwhile, side men believe they’re the woman’s real fantasy of choice — she’s coming to him for what she can’t get at home.
In the end, it may come down to the question of respect, and what we're really seeking in these relationships. Here's a deeper look at the psychology behind the side piece phenomenon.Adultery, infidelity, or an affair — this concept is nothing new. Approximately 30 to 60 percent of all married people will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. This means no man or woman is adultery-proof. So, who are the side pieces in affairs?
The concept of “the other woman” or “the other man” manifests itself when two consenting adults engage in a non-committal sexual “relationship”, while one or both are committed to other people.
These affairs are becoming more commonplace, which suggests people are becoming more selfish and more self-centered, valuing sexual gratification over emotional intimacy.
The Brain During An Affair
Affairs are commonly portrayed as being exciting, fun, and mischievous. It serves as a vacation from the day-to-day agenda. It’s excitement without the baggage.The brain goes through several changes in functions when we’re infatuated, bonding, and keeping the affair a secret.
Infatuation
During the infatuation stage, the brain is inundated with dopamine — a neurotransmitter that heightens the sensation of pleasure. Dopamine increases energy, which is why our first conversation with someone attractive is exciting. Interestingly, couples or partners often show signs of surging dopamine including increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and delight in the smaller details of a new relationship, or affair.
SHE KNOWS ABOUT YOU, SHE KNOWS ALL ABOUT YOU:
You must understand that he confides to her about everything from his marriage to stress at work. She knows about your bad habits, his pet peeves about you, and that he will never leave you. She also knows about how you are very critical of him. She represents his sanctuary where he isn’t judge or criticized for being human. You represent security and stability in his life. And if she is in a relationship she leans on him for advice and support.
It sounds crazy … dating a married person. Still, it is increasingly becoming more common. Why is this the case?
They’ve been duped:There is often such a bias again the “other woman” when research shows they’ve often been duped by the true status of the person’s relationship. Also they become duped by the charm, loneliness, or sense of deprivation their partner has where the “other” believes they have actually met their soul mate and they will soon be free.
They Dupe Themselves:Sometimes someone who is a ‘side-piece’ thinks they can have it all without having to deal with vulnerable emotions, so they date the unavailable person. As time goes on, these characters can be so charming and make them feel they are ‘the one” and they actually dupe themselves as they fall in love.
It’s Ponzi Love:Believe it or not, the fact is these people often know they have pushed their boundaries or their morals and believe therefore ‘This Must Work Out!’ so they end up hanging in long past what is best for them because they do not want it to be all for nothing. The sad part is that in less than 10% of the time does it work out.
Why do people treat their side-pieces “extra” well?:The “side-piece “is an exciting fantasy where they positively distort the relationship allowing them to not be in reality. The showering with gifts and affections begets the admiration and or type of sex they desire without having to deal with a ‘real’ relationship. Infatuation in itself can just me a mental fantasy and in that way it is similar, but when you have gone far enough to have this person fall in love with you without your thinking ahead, that’s where the problems can begin.
What happens when people engage in an affair?:The brain feels similar as if it is high on drugs. Dopamine floods the brain, you believe this person can meet your needs, it difficult to see the negatives only the positives – you become irrational. For many, the ‘taboo’ of the relationship adds to the excitement because it is a secret. What ends up happening is that both parties overtime get faced with the reality in the fact there is no way to come out of this unscathed. Anxiety and depression is common over time.
Whether you’re a side piece or the committed partner having an affair, you’re doing this for yourself. You think about how this can benefit you. As a side piece, you don’t want to be a full-time partner, and as the committed partner, you’re afraid to confront your relationship issues at home.Singles, if you’re contemplating entering a situationship, ask yourself: “Am I putting myself in a position of respect?”Are you OK with being someone else’s “second best?”Once these intentions become clear to you, everything else will too.
After all, you have control over how much respect people give you — wifey, hubby, or side piece.
The psychology behind being a side piece is you have allowed yourself to be his/her 20% and at home he gets 80% .Since you have allowed yourself to be his/her 20% you have already lowered your self worth.
If you are wife/girlfriend who is dealing with the other woman don’t be a victim. Understand your self-worth and begin the process of creating the best version of yourself. Remember she knows who you are and all about you. She compares herself to you, but so if you are someone who is beautiful, intelligent, and resilient, her world will start to crumble.
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