You love your BFF, but sometimes, they can really grind your gears.
1.Has unreasonable expectations. The narcissist expects their friend to meet all of their emotional needs. A friend is required to anticipate what, how, and when the narcissist needs admiration and adoration. This is a one-way street where the friend gives support, the narcissist takes, and there is no return. In addition, the narcissists' appetite is not satisfied, the more the friend gives, the more that is expected.
2.Is very jealous. The narcissist is jealous of anyone or thing that has the friend's attention over them. This includes spouses, children, pets, friends, family, and occupation. They will frequently demand attention at the same time the friend is engaged with someone else, talking on the phone, working on a project, or doing an activity with others. Their jealousy triggers intense rage for which the friend is subsequently blamed.
3.Blames, projects, and guilt-trips. The narcissist projects their negative characteristics onto their friend. The narcissist says the friend is needy, never satisfied, ungrateful, doesn't apologize, selfish, and has unreasonable expectations. They might also belittle their friend by pointing out their flaws in front of others, taking a minor infraction and turning it into a major event, and highlighting intelligence gaps so the narcissist looks superior. Yet others have not verbalized any such complaints about the friend.
4.Does an abusive cycle. The narcissist will provoke the friend to leave by being cruel and/or abusive during an argument. This accomplishes two things: it verifies that the friend will, in fact, one day abandon the narcissist and it sets the narcissist up to be the victim. Either way, the narcissist has gained more ammunition to use against their friend. The narcissist will not take any responsibility for the aggravation.
5.Faked remorse. The narcissist uses remorse as a manipulation tool. Real remorse takes time to implement in order for trust to be regained. The narcissist will expect an immediate return to the same level of trust as before. Any mention of the past behavior will incite the narcissist and they will claim the friend is being unforgiving. This, of course, justifies them doing the action again.
DOES YOUR FRIEND HAVE ANY OF THESE BEHAVIORS?
Control is the key – they must always be in control. Which means you can play the friend game if you obey their rule and, their plans.
Entitlement – narcissists believe they are entitled to everything without having to earn it. This includes your friendship, your money, and your time. They believe they are better than everyone else.
Take – take – take – Because of the entitlement factor, they are takers. They believe they are entitled to take from everyone. If you are a codependent, people-pleasing, poor- boundary person then you are a perfect target/friend for them. You give and they take! They take advantage of everyone in their lives and they use them and spit them back in heartless ways.
They have no empathy – because their own needs come before anyone else’s, they are generally uninterested in anyone else’s situation. You are expected to be there for them, but dare you to need them in crisis! You can count on ghosting to occur because they can’t handle showing compassion or empathy. When you need them, which means they cannot be the center of attention then, they hide until your crisis is over. If they do show up for you, expect them to be unsupportive and passive-aggressive so they can turn the situation around for them to get the attention off you and onto themselves.
Smear Campaigns – when you enter into the devalue stage, they seem to start a smear campaign against you, telling detailed lies to everyone. The truth is, that all along they have laid the foundation for this smear campaign, often by sharing concerns about you with other friends. Casually dropping these concerns about your drinking allows them to call you an alcoholic later and it shows others that they were worried about you all along. Don’t be fooled. These campaigns are not schoolyard tattle tails. These are designed to ruin you.
They tire you out – they are demanding attention and time to do things with them. They are willing to play if you are doing what they want to do after that initial idealize stage. They will not do what you want to do. Your ideas and suggestions are quickly pushed to the side and you cave into their ideas just to keep the peace and make it easier. Expect them to trick you into doing what they want.
The jealous friend – a narcissistic friend gets jealous of you and your accomplishments and can never be happy for you. They get jealous very easily and act like wounded little children if a new friend or lover comes into your life. They must monopolize your life, so the ugly head of jealousy comes out. If you wonder where they have been when they ghost you to cultivate a new supply, and you ask them where they have been, they accuse you of being jealous of this new friend. They turn it around making you appear as the jealous one.
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