Recovery from Codependency
Codependency is often thought of as a relationship problem and considered by many to be a disease. In the past, it was applied to relationships with alcoholics and drug addicts. It is a relationship problem; however, the relationship that’s the problem is not with someone else — it’s the one with yourself. That is what gets reflected in your relationships with others.
Codependency underlies all addictions. The core symptom of “dependency” manifests as reliance on a person, substance, or process (i.e, activity, such as gambling or sex addiction). Instead of having a healthy relationship with yourself, you make something or someone else more important. Over time, your thoughts, feelings, and actions revolve around that other person, activity, or substance, and you increasingly abandon your relationship with yourself.
Healing develops the following characteristics:
Authenticity
Autonomy
Capability of being intimate
Integrated and congruent values, thoughts, feelings, and actions
Change is not easy. It takes time and involves the following healthy steps:
Start being honest with yourself and your partner. ...
Stop negative thinking. ...
Don't take things personally. ...
Take breaks. ...
Consider counseling. ...
Rely on peer support. ...
Establish boundaries.
Healing essentially involves self-acceptance. This is not only a step, but a life-long journey. People come to therapy to change themselves, not realizing that the work is about accepting themselves. Ironically, before you can change, you have to accept the situation.As they say, “What you resist, persists.”In recovery, more about yourself is revealed that requires acceptance, and life itself presents limitations and losses to accept. This is maturity. Accepting reality opens the doors of possibility. Change then happens.
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