Whether you are a couple who are both working from home, a whole family with children who need to be entertained or housemates who are finding communal living difficult, it is not yet known how long these measures may last. While it is not yet known, divorce lawyers have already forecast a spike in splits later this year due to self-isolation.
So how can you ensure tensions do not arise and if they do, are quickly dispelled with your partner?
Keep communicating
With so much going on and tensions running high, it can be hard to keep an open dialogue – especially if you’re feeling scared or upset. The key to keeping your relationship solid throughout. “This heightened anxiety may create strong negative emotional reactions; anger or frustration. When experiencing these emotions try and stay mindful of your responses.
“If you’re struggling with your anxiety and how you respond, the best thing you can do is communicate. Giving yourself time or telling your loved ones you’re struggling and that you may react uncharacteristically. Of course this doesn’t justify being cruel but helps ease the possibility of reacting in a way that you might regret and add to stress.”
It is very easy to slip into the blame game when we are stressed and it doesn't help anyone..."
“Communication is key. Try and be as clear as possible with each other. If you are frustrated or stressed then try to use ‘I’ statements to communicate how you are feeling. ‘I feel’ is very different to ‘When you x, I x’ or‘You make me feel’, it’s very easy to slip into the blame game when we are stressed and it doesn’t help anyone.”
Accept these circumstances are going to be testing
You do need to give yourself some period of grace – this is an unusual time for everyone. “Understand that with the best will in the world, rows are quite likely in these circumstances. It’s how you deal with them that counts. If you tend to argue or bicker then accept that you may transfer that onto what you each think about the virus.
“You may want to know as much as possible about the situation whereas your partner may prefer to take each day as it comes. Remember that there are many different ways of coping in stressful situations and your way isn’t the only way.”
Ensure you aren’t just working all the time
If you and your partner are struggling to manage working from home and your relationship then try to establish clearer ‘home life’ and ‘work life’ from now on.It can be hard at the beginning to separate the two and this can have a detrimental impact.
“If you are working at home, there will still be home and life admin to do – set a time for this. It may feel like the house is a tip or needs cleaning, but make an executive decision to do this outside of ‘working hours’. Many of us will struggle with working from home as it limits our capacity in different ways, so try not to pile extra home stress on work stress.”
If you are working from home try to establish a routine. Don’t work all day in your pyjamas. Make sure you build in breaks – tea, coffee, meals. If you have a garden go outside for an oxygen break. Don’t work all hours”. Find shared interests or activities to do together so that you have something to share that isn’t just housework, like a new Netflix series.
Establish a routine
It can be tricky to establish a routine when your whole day happens within four walls but it is crucial for long-term success. “The brain loves patterns and hates randomness, so to give it some patterns to ease it.“Make your own routine. Children especially thrive on routine, but it’s helpful for adults too. It can be particularly challenging if there is more than one of you working from home, so try and carve out time to be spent together and time to be spent apart. E.g. at 11am you all sit down and have a coffee together.”
Treat each other with kindness
Regardless of who you are sharing your home with during self-isolation, every relationship can be improved with kindness.“Recognise that everyone is going to be feeling some strain. Even children who are delighted to be off school will sense there is a negative backdrop to it all. Practice gratitude, and daily thank those around you.
Don’t make assumptions about how the other person feels
The coronavirus is unprecedented, not only on a societal level but for your relationship – you may have dealt with testing times before but this is likely to be a new experience. The key is not to assume the other person will feel the same way about everything you’re going through. “Often we feel that others are experiencing the same emotions or thoughts that we are.
“Assumptions breed resentments as they lay down false expectations. The antithesis to assumptions are clear and open dialogues so avoid mind reading. None of us have experienced this before so we will all cope with this differently and that’s okay.”
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