You meet someone who’s simply charming. You’re excited about this person and begin dating, spending more and more time together. Everything is going great, except that your new partner slips into certain “bad habits” here and there. You can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t quite right.
Seemingly insignificant tendencies can be early indicators of greater issues that will rear their ugly head in time. Honor Honor your wellbeing by walking away from an unhealthy relationship sooner rather than later if your partner gives off the following red flags:
1. Your intuition nags you. People know how to lie, but your intuition doesn’t. The first one to tell you something is wrong will be your inner voice. Pay close attention to gut feelings that ask you to analyze your partner’s intentions, words, and actions more closely. Refrain from making excuses for this person just because you have strong feelings. Be honest with yourself and acknowledge when your partner isn’t acting in good faith or isn’t making you happy. Take divine signs seriously: it’s not an accident if you come across something that proves this person lied or isn’t who he says he is.
2. It’s complicated from the beginning. There is no perfect partner because everyone carries a bit of baggage (even you). That’s normal. What’s not normal is a person who hauls entire loads from their past into your present life. Your partner may have children from a previous relationship, but his children shouldn’t make your life miserable. Your partner may have trust issues from past experiences, but his trust issues shouldn’t force you to prove your every move. If a relationship starts off this burdensome, it will only require more effort with time. Release it from your life and find a love that’s lighthearted, pure, and joyful.
3. Won’t compromise. The couple that can’t compromise can’t survive. A person’s (in)ability to compromise quickly becomes evident. Your partner should be offering compromise freely at this point, and you should be taking turns giving in to each other. The fact that he doesn’t means the relationship will entail many sacrifices on your part.
4. Has mood swings. Steer clear of the person who veers to moody extremes because this will ruin your emotional stability. Your partner shouldn’t leave you exhausted by the end of the day! You become what you’re around, and if you’re exposed to anger, bitterness, or resentment, you might find yourself becoming a person you don’t want to be, riding an emotional roller coaster that will take a mental and physical toll on you. If your partner shifts from delighted to depressed in seconds, understand that a psychological imbalance exists. And if he or she gets angry over everything, know that this anger may spill onto you one day, too.
5. Not generous. Generosity takes many forms, the most obvious being monetary. But a person must also be giving with his time, affection, advice, and good intentions. Stinginess, greediness, and egoism are serious red flags. While you shouldn’t expect to receive the world on a silver platter, you should expect your partner to offer help when you’re in genuine need. Remember, the person who wants to share his world with you is preparing for a future with you. Generosity is rare, so be grateful for the partner who is giving in all senses of the word.
6. Chronic infidelity. Mom used to say that “once a cheater always a cheater.” I don’t quite agree because we have the free will to break even our worst patterns. But if you discover your new partner being disloyal from this early on, spare yourself the heartbreak and move along. Chances are that he was prone to dishonesty long before you and will continue to be this way throughout the relationship with you. Often we hope we can change people or mold their character, or that they will somehow be “different” from us than they’ve been in their past relationships. Then we experience deep disappointment when we realize that we can’t change anybody. He must change himself.
7. Treats others poorly. Be careful becoming too attached to the person who talks down to others, is rude without reason, or has negative relationships with family members. People who have problems with themselves often release them upon others, and these problems can’t be resolved until they look within and eliminate the real cause. Your partner may treat you nicely in the beginning, but the same issues he has with other people in his life will creep into your own relationship down the line.
8.Can't commit. Lasting relationships are the deeply fulfilling bonds we crave, but not all of us are able to uphold them. You should be with a partner who not only wants to fortify a relationship with you through time but who understands the hard work needed to do so. Consider your partner’s dating history: has he or she been able to maintain at least one serious relationship? It will be difficult for your partner to keep up long-term love if he’s used to jumping from romance to romance. A partner who both expresses the desire for commitment and reinforces words with actions is a real treasure.
9.Non-resolution of past relationships. These include not just intimate relationships but those with family members and friends. If a person is unable to evaluate why past relationships haven’t worked out, or consistently blames the other party for all of the problems, you can bet with a great deal of confidence that the same thing could happen with your relationship.
10.The relationship is built on the need to feel needed. Often we enter into a relationship strongly identified with our needs. The need may be that you, my partner, must do certain things for me to make me feel secure and satisfied, or that you allow me, your partner, to feel needed by fulfilling your needs. If this dynamic is the focal point of a relationship, however, there may be little room for real growth, individually or as a couple.
11.Lack of communication. These individuals find it difficult to talk about issues or express how they feel. Often, when it would seem most important to be open and honest, they distance themselves emotionally, leaving their partner hanging, or having to deal with a situation on their own. Often, whatever is “communicated” is expressed through moodiness, and sometimes the dreaded.“silent treatment.”
12.Irresponsible, immature, and unpredictable. Some people have trouble mastering basic life skills—taking care of themselves, managing their finances and personal space, holding onto a job, and making plans for their life and future. Small crises surrounding the way they live their daily life may take up a lot of time and energy. If so, there may be little time and energy left for you and your issues. These people may still be working on growing up. In other words, it may be hard to rely on them for almost anything.
13.Abusive behavior. Finally, and of course, any form of abuse, from the seemingly mild to the overtly obvious—verbal, emotional, psychological, and certainly physical—is not just a red flag but a huge banner telling you to get out immediately and never look back. It’s essential to get to know yourself in every possible way before you move into a committed relationship. Often, individuals go in search of a relationship without this essential knowledge. But how can you ever hope to know another individual if you don’t know yourself first? How can you address another’s needs and desires if you're disconnected from your own? As obvious as these issues may appear, and as much as you may feel you understand them intellectually, it should come as no surprise that what initially seems unimportant may take on greater significance as insights occur over the course of the relationship.
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